New blogs for new beginnings?

I've never kept a blog before, but always journals and numerous notebooks that are scattered about. I decided to start this blog after a break up from my first real relationship that lasted just under four years. Being 21 and really dating for the first time in a long time, or at all has been really scary and fun and I feel the need to share my experiences. I'm going to be writing about dating, sex, love and all the terrible things that come along with these.

Since this is my first entry I will just update the last two months since this breakup occurred. I met Ben when I was in high school, grade 12, and he was 8 years older which was exciting at the time as every young girl loves an older man! Things started slowly, I had never really dated seriously before this, just a movie or kissing in the back of a movie theater. But never real feeling or connections. With Ben I found both of these for the first times. Things went well but of course there were some bumps along the way. About 6 months in while travelling he kissed another girl, and then 3 years after that some other infidelities. After finally knowing I could be alone and didn't need him I cut things off knowing it was the last break up, there would be no more make ups.

Right before I ended things with Ben I met a guy named Peter and we had an instant connection. Maybe this motivated me, or maybe I used it as a distraction from the heartbreak I knew I would face once things with Ben ended. He was very supportive and when I told Peter I needed time away from being his friend after the break up he totally understood and gave me the space to cope. With him it was lust at first sight. I had seen him two times in one week and both times we smiled shyly at each other. A few days later I saw him at a party his band was playing and again, we shared shy smiles and finally at the end of the night I found the courage to speak to him. We spent the night listening to music, kissing, and laughing.

Once I felt I was done being a mess over the break up with Ben I called Peter and we began hanging out semi regularly. At first it was 2 or 3 times a week, I couldn't get enough of him but I realized distracting myself and going from one man to another was the least healthy thing I could be doing so I slowly weened myself down to seeing him once a week. I made it clear that I did not want a relationship and I think he understood. Peter is very sweet, he is gentle and romantic and very much like myself. It was also refreshing after being with Ben for years, after the cheating I found it hard to be sexual with him or want to have sex but with Peter I remembered what it was like to be overcome with passion for another person and there body and not have to close my eyes while he touched me. Not having to tune out knowing the person who's fingers touched me touched others and manipulated. It is as if Peter knows exactly what I am thinking or what I want, how to be touched and where.

The past 2 months of seeing Peter there have been 2 other men. One was someone I met at a bar, one notorious for sleazy travelers and college kids but a place to get free drinks none the less. I went with my best friend Cindy and we had both had rough days and proceeded to drink too much too fast. We found ourselves surrounded with men and soaked it in, but there was one I'd seen all night who had not noticed us at all and I tried shamelessly to get his attention. Once being introduced to Garrett we talked, flirted and kissed outside. I gave him my number but didn't actually expect to hear from him but the next week I kept receiving texts from this tall handsome Irishman with a ridiculous amount of charm. We met for drinks and spent the night talking, we didn't have much in common except a physical attraction to one another but that didn't bother me. I drank too much he persuaded me to come back to his place for tea. Even though I knew it was bullshit, I still went up telling myself I would leave after a cup of tea with nothing more than a kiss. I even wore my least attractive and flattering pair of underwear to GUARANTEE I wouldn't do something stupid. But believe me, this man is irresistible. We kissed on his balcony and then went inside and had sex in his bed, against the kitchen counter and on the floor. I walked home alone at 5am feeling confused. I was excited because Id had a fun time, it was my first one night stand, but ashamed because ... well I'm not sure. I don't personally have any qualms about things like this, I guess I was ashamed of what my friends might think, or what Garrett now thought of me.

This has turned into a very long post... I will write more about the second man, Luke, next time.

Xoxo
A